Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Follow up to 'Turn the other cheek?'

The church's policy on homosexual behaviour is one that I don't wish to mess with. The church has the right to choose how they deal with the actions of members. 
I also think it's important to do what you believe and as such believing members of the church should definitely be trying to live according to their beliefs. 
If someone chooses for themselves to have a same sex relationship because they feel that it's the right thing to do, power to them; on the other hand, if someone chooses not to express those feelings and to be celibate or have a mixed orientation marriage (MOM) because of their beliefs, that's cool too.
But that is something for each person to decide for themselves. If they break the law of chastity, as a member of the church, they should be subject to church discipline.
But let's face facts, there is no 'cure' for same sex attraction. There are only ways to live with it. Good or bad, I'm not going to judge the individual who chooses for themselves to live according to what they feel is right, according to the dictates of their own conscience.
Some people have increased their heterosexual attractions through certain activities and therapies but most don't experience any change. It's something we experience every day and forcing us to keep it secret only increases the shame we feel. 
If (as the church now teaches) the feelings themselves aren't considered to be a sin why does the church encourage us to keep them secret? Especially when this leads to additional shame and suicidal tendencies.
Revealing that I am attracted to the same sex relieved the shame I felt for it and gave me the strength to overcome my suicidal tendencies. But it took a lot of courage to defy what I was told by general leaders.
Over the past few months, since publishing 'Turn the Other Cheek' part 1 & 2, I have talked with a number of people and read comments defending what Elder Oaks said. I can in no way defend what he said. I believe he is a good man that doesn't know enough about the subject.
I'm not trying to change the doctrine regarding homosexuality. It is what it is. But the advice to keep it secret is just that. Advice. And it is bad advice. It is dangerous.
I realise that revealing your sexual orientation can also be dangerous. Doing so made me vulnerable, but I was ready for that.
I knew there was a chance some people would reject me. There are plenty of examples of children being rejected, disowned and kicked out of home for revealing their sexual orientation, but once old enough to fend for yourself isn't that better than a life of secrecy and dishonesty.
I'd much rather deal with rejection from others than from myself. The lies eat you up inside and stop you from making meaningful connections. What's the point in living if that life is just a facade and a lie?

"I can't imagine any sadder way to die than with a feeling that I never showed up in this world as my true self. 
But I can't imagine any more satisfying way to go out than to be able to say [that] to the best of my ability... I was there as who I am..."
Parker J Palmer
The change I want to see is in the way the church treats those who experience same sex attraction and in the process save lives.
Rather than telling those who are attracted to the same sex to keep it secret why not tell everyone else to be more Christ-like and love their friends and family regardless of their sexual orientation. Wouldn't that be the right thing to do?

Turn the other cheek? p2

For many years I have talked down about those who are gay. I have probably said some things that were very rude and have definitely said some things that were bigoted and untrue.
Yet every time I said these things I knew I was also talking about myself.
I believed that I deserved punishment. I believed that there was nobody to help me but myself.
Yet now I look back and I realise the error of my ways. I realise that I needed help that I never received. I should not have been treated the way I was.
So now I'm facing a situation where I am grappling with these same feelings. I feel that I need to defend myself and others from this. In particular I feel a strong desire to reach out to those individuals who feel this way about themselves. Yet I'm hindered at every turn.
I still feel inclined to turn the other cheek and just let it be, but I can't do it anymore.

At the start of this year I attended a fireside which Elder Oaks spoke at. I agreed with most of what he had to say. 
Then he started to talk about same gender attraction. I appreciated that he spoke of the reality of it. There are still many people in this world who think that it is a choice; that we choose to be attracted to the same sex!?
So some of what he said may have been good for helping people to understand that it is a real struggle to deal with.
However, he then went on to say that it was something that should not be discussed with anyone but your priesthood leaders.
This really frustrated me!
This was only a month or so after I declared that I am attracted to the same sex so I felt like he was telling me I had done the wrong thing
If I didn't do that I feel like I wouldn't be here now and here he was saying that it's the wrong thing to do. I felt like he was telling me it's better for me to risk suicide than come out.
I decided to let it sit for a while as I needed time to digest what he said before trying to confront it.
The reason I came out was that I felt I was living a lie. It is a part of who I am and I had to lie in order to keep it secret. It ate me up inside being so dishonest with those around me. I couldn't get close to anyone because I couldn't be truthful.
How many times did people ask me if I have a girlfriend? Or asked me which girls I liked, or any other number of questions that I had to be untruthful to answer.
It was so bad that I tried to kill myself. I thought it was better to die than to admit that I am gay.
After a few days recovering in hospital and a cover story later I was back to life as normal. The experience was enough to keep me from attempting to take my life again for some time.
But the time came again when I was so frustrated with the lies and secrets that I again wanted to die. Fortunately I had enough sense this time and each of the subsequent times to get the help I needed before I actually did anything stupid. 
But these suicidal feelings kept coming back. I realised I had to tell someone other than priesthood leaders the real reason why I was suicidal.
And that was when my life changed. That was when I suddenly saw hope. 
From that point I started to receive the help I actually needed.
I don't wish to offend anyone, but most priesthood leaders don't have a clue what to do when it comes to dealing with same sex attraction and telling SSA/Gay members that we should only speak to our priesthood leaders about it is dangerous.
I can't stress that enough.
It is dangerous for someone who is suicidal to only seek help from a leader who is untrained in how to deal with it and if anyone who reads this is dealing with suicidal feelings I strongly urge you to seek professional help.
I've talked with many SSA/gay Mormons (and non Mormons) and suicide is a very real issue in many of their lives. We've come a long way to making things better, but the past has not been undone.
For a time I tried to get in contact with Elder Oaks as I wanted to let him know what my feelings on the matter were. But I came up against closed doors. Eventually I gave up and I've had conflicting feelings about it since.
Then after general conference last month I started to feel very frustrated with the lack of support from church leaders.
There is so much talk of homosexuality in the church and such a small amount of that is to actually help and support those who experience it.
The church created a website, mormonsandgays.org last year which talks about how we as members of the church should love those who identify as gay or SSA. Yet the website is rarely publicised and the way Elder Oaks and others talk about same sex marriage in conference and omit any discussion of the struggles faced by those who are gay/SSA leaves a lot to be asked for.
So many of us need love and respect and all we hear is that same sex marriage is contrary to God's laws. Where is the love? Are we expected to just keep turning the other cheek?
It's not that I want to whine about it. I just don't know how else to defend myself and affect change. 
I'm trying to stand against those things which are not right in a way that is respectful, but when I'm told that things are ok the way they are I get frustrated. I want to see a change. I don't want to see others endure misguided advice.

Terminology

For some time now I've been thinking that I want to do something more to reach out and help others to understand SSA. A couple of months back I decided to try writing a blog. I don't really like this medium because I don't really know who my audience is and I therefore have trouble catering to them. But it seems to be the best avenue for me to take.
So, over the past six months I've fielded a lot of questions regarding Same Sex Attraction (SSA) and how I deal with that as a member of the LDS Church. I've also encountered people who would like to convince me that life on the other side is better. I have had to do a lot of research and have pondered about a lot of things.
To start this off I don't want to get into any of the heavy stuff. I'd rather begin with some of the basics, the first of which is terminology. I hope that this will help people to understand some of the ambiguity that comes with labels. 
In doing this I will also deal with some of the lightly controversial points that relate, and will even delve a little into the abyss of inappropriate and insulting terms and how I feel about them.

SSA - Same Sex Attraction/Attracted
This is probably the most fundamental term used. It refers to an attraction to the same sex. This label is for the feeling and/or the person. It can cover the whole spectrum of attraction for those who self identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual and even many who identify as straight.

SGA - Same Gender Attraction
A lot of LDS members use this term because it is used by leaders. I personally don't like the term. The reason for my dislike is that gender is not as clearly defined as sex. Gender refers to a social construct, an identity which may or may not be congruous with biological sex (the sex that someone was born as). As such, to say that someone is attracted to the same gender leaves a level of ambiguity as to whether the reference is to the social definition or the biological.

LGBT(Q) - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transexual (or transgender) & Questioning
This is a fairly common term. It is used in a variety of forums to describe the community who self identify as belonging to it. Many have differing opinions as to who belongs to the community, usually based on their own definitions of the terms lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual or transgender and questioning. As the terms used are self labels, the community is quite subjective as to whom it includes. Someone who identifies as SSA may not identify as LGBTQ and someone who considers themselves a part of the community may not be accepted as such.
Many forums omit the category of questioning. It can also be expanded to LGBTQIA and include Intersex and Asexual.

Lesbian
A self identifying term referring to a female who is sexually attracted solely or mainly to females. It is widely accepted but not necessarily always correct that those who identify as lesbian have sexual relationships with other females. Some who identify as lesbian may choose to be celibate or have mixed orientation relationships.
Some who identify as lesbian have sexual interaction with males as well as females.

Gay
Similar to lesbian. A self identifying term usually referring to a male who is attracted solely or mainly to males. A lesbian or a female attracted to other females may also self identify as gay.
It is widely accepted but not necessarily always correct that those who identify as gay have sexual relationships with other males. Some who identify as gay may choose to be celibate or have mixed orientation relationships.
Some who identify as gay have sexual interaction with females as well as males.

Bisexual
The definition of bisexual is often ambiguous. In essence it refers to someone who is sexually attracted to those of both sexes. Similar to the terms of lesbian and gay, bisexual is a self determined label. This creates a lot of ambiguity as most people experience sexual attraction to both sexes to different degrees.
What one person would call bisexuality another may call straight, gay or lesbian.
As a general rule though if someone describes themselves as 50/50 or 60/40 in their attractions I would personally categorise them as bisexual.

Transsexuality is a bit of a foreign subject for me, although I have researched it quite a bit, and I apologise if I get anything wrong. I would love to hear from anyone who can further enlighten me on the subject.

Transsexual
A term for those who experience a strong desire to assume the physical characteristics and/or gender roles of the opposite biological sex (sex at time of birth).

Transgender
Similar to transsexual, but referring more to gender roles than physical characteristics.

Questioning
Someone who is questioning is usually unsure of their sexual orientation or gender identity. This is usually a stage in self identifying.

Intersex
Someone who is born with an ambiguous sex. For a number of different reasons the 'parts' of a child may not fully develop as male or female whilst in the womb, making it hard to determine which they actually are.

Asexual
Someone with little or no sex drive, therefore having no interest in either males or females.

MOM - Mixed Orientation Marriage
A heterosexual marriage in which one or both spouses are same sex attracted.

MOR - Mixed Orientation Relationship
A heterosexual relationship where one or both partners are same sex attracted.

TIGI - Transgender/Transexual, Intersex, Gender Identity
An encompassing term for all who experience gender issues.


First of all...

The following is a post I made on Facebook on the 24th February 2013. I had finally decided to come out and this is how I did it:

"I hope that if you read this you read the whole thing. But be warned that it may make some people feel uncomfortable.
I have been considering this for a long time and have finally come to the decision that I want to let people in on one of my private struggles in the hope that it will be of help to others, both those who are in a similar position to me and those who are trying to help.
So I'll just 'come out' and say it. I am what many would call 'gay' or 'same gender attracted'.
The first thing I want everyone to understand is that I never chose to be this way.
I grew up in a typical Mormon family. We read our scriptures and prayed as a family (although not all the time, it was regular enough). We attended church meetings and fulfilled church callings. But from a young age I experienced a curiosity about boys whilst not having much of a curiosity about girls. As I grew, that turned into attraction. I always brushed it aside and assumed that it was quite common and that at some future point I would suddenly find myself attracted to girls, that it must be the same for everyone. But it never happened. I never gained an attraction to women, yet my attraction to men continued to grow.
This was a very real concern for me as I believed that to even feel attracted to the same sex was a major sin and that I was evil and disgusting for feeling so.
For most of my life I have suffered in silence and assumed that I had somehow chosen to be gay. But I didn't have any idea how I had chosen that. So I wondered whether I had done something truly terrible and therefore been cursed with an attraction to men.
I thought in that case that if I was righteous enough and did everything I was supposed to do (or that God expected me to do) that God would take it away from me.
This didn't help things but rather caused me to feel unworthy of love because I was never able to be righteous enough to overcome and I felt that if God didn't love me enough to take it away how could anyone else love me?
I had many days where I cried silently behind closed doors because of it and prayed for God to take it away from me. But He never did.
And I never told anyone for fear that they would reject me.
When I served a mission I felt even more unworthy because I held it secret in an environment that required a lot of honesty. Yet I served a mission because I had a strong belief in the gospel and wanted to share it so that others could also experience the good things of it. Notwithstanding my struggles I did still have times of upliftment where I was strengthened by my beliefs and found that it gave me strength to carry on when I otherwise would have given up.
Meanwhile I felt sure that if I revealed my secret to anyone that I would be sent home immediately. I spiralled downward on my mission suffering from depression and anxiety to the point where I wanted to die and resorted to self harming practises to numb my mind. I would have panic attacks and couldn't tell anyone why. I was also quite sensitive to any critical remarks made against me.
Yet I still had great experiences and learnt much.
It was toward the end of my mission that I was introduced to a new concept. My companion was reading the October 2007 issue of the Ensign and had read an article on same gender attraction by Elder Jeffrey R Holland. A particular portion stood out to me:

"...same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is—just as it would be with heterosexual feelings.” (Oct. 2007 Ensign, Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction, Jeffrey R. Holland)

This caught my attention and I began to see hope. I still kept my attraction secret for fear of rejection but I had hope and thought that maybe God did love me.
My self harming behaviours diminished and to a degree so did my depression and anxiety. I thought that if I only avoided any homosexual behaviours I might be ok. But I still clung to the false hope that the feelings would go away. I should have sought help then but was kept from doing so by fear.
I came home from my mission and things were good for a time but I couldn't shake the feelings. I tried to date but never felt any real attraction. I could tell when a girl was attractive but never really felt any attraction.
I sought help from leaders who were not judgmental but couldn't fully help me because they didn't entirely understand (not for lack of trying but simply because there was a sparsity of quality information available).
I suffered in silence for years and wouldn't tell anyone close to me because I still saw it as a defect that people would reject me for having. As I tried to form relationships and failed and saw that I didn't fit into the mould of the typical Mormon I became depressed and anxious once more and was hospitalised on several occasions due to suicide attempts and feeling strong desires to end my life. I could not see how I could ever live with same sex attractions when so many seemed to be so hostile to anyone who was gay. And I still clung to the belief that I could change and that I just wasn't doing things right.
Then last year I came across two books, one entitled 'In Quiet Desperation' and the other 'Voices of Hope' both co authored by Ty Mansfield an LDS man who has experienced same sex attraction.
Although I can't include the stories here I would suggest that these books would help anyone trying to understand these issues. They offered great insights for me and they helped me to see that I might never change and to accept that this did not mean I was evil.
This was still a big blow to me and I grieved that I might never be free from same sex attraction and might never get married. But at the same time it gave me hope that I could still have a fulfilling life despite my attractions.
It was then that I realised I needed to be open about how I felt and tell people of my struggles.
I also realised that my story could help others who are dealing with these issues.
So I started telling my family. I can't say I received the most amazing reception but my parents expressed their love for me and wanted to help me and that was all that I could've hoped for.
For me what I needed was my parents' love, support and understanding. I received their love and some degree of support but it's been a hard road trying to be understood and its getting better.
So it is that I write this. I want people to understand what it is like to be a gay Mormon in hopes that understanding will lead to less heartache and troubles for others.
I really hope that those who struggle with these feelings will seek support as they need it.
Not everyone will feel the same as me. What works for me might not work for someone else. I don't know their circumstances and it is not my place to judge. I just hope that we can foster an environment where people feel comfortable enough to express their minds and seek help.
The path I am on is not the easiest. I don't know what the future holds for me or how other will react to me 'coming out'. All I know is that God loves me despite my attractions. I hope that Christians all over may learn to love as He does and not judge harshly those who deal with same gender attraction.
I can't say where I will be in 5 or 10 years time. 10 years ago I thought that by now this part of my life would be resolved and that I would be happily married with kids.
But that didn't eventuate.
I'm now focusing on being the best person that I can be. I don't want my attractions to be the sole defining part of my life but rather to just be an acceptable part of the whole that makes up me.
The path that I currently choose is to remain single as I believe that there is a lot more to life than just being in a relationship. I don't think my life should revolve around trying to be one way or the other but rather on trying to continually be better.
This might not be the path that everyone chooses and encourage people not to judge harshly those who choose different paths. Not everyone believes as I do or understands in the same way as I do.
For anyone who wants to help me or anyone like me, the best thing you can do is be a friend regardless of anything else and encourage without being pushy or overbearing.
To anyone who is in a similar situation I would encourage you to be honest and don't shut people out; and seek help as you feel necessary. I have found that when people understand what it's like they can be very accepting (often more so than you are of yourself) and offer support. And I hope that this post will encourage understanding and make it easier for you to be honest about what you are going through."

A bit about me

My name is Matt. I am Australian. I grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, meaning that I am a Mormon. I am also gay or, as people in the church tend to refer to it, same sex attracted (SSA) or same gender attracted (SGA). I really dislike the term SGA as it doesn't mean what most people think it does (take a look at my blog post on terminology)
I've started this blog because I want to help others (gay, straight, bisexual, questioning, Mormon or non mormon) to understand. I also want particularly to be of encouragement to anyone else who is Mormon and SSA as we face unique challenges which many people do not fully understand.
I don't want to force my beliefs onto anyone else but would rather like to express myself so that others understand the joys and struggles faced by those who are both mormon and attracted to the same sex.
So welcome!

Monday, December 2, 2013

A RESPONSE TO THE RESPONSE FROM THE “CLOSED MINDED”

The following two essays are not my own. The original works have been deleted, but I found them so enlightening of my own feelings regarding the church and LGBT 'doctrine' that I felt I needed to repost them here. 
I would like to warn anyone that reads it that it could become their own 'stumbling block' regarding their belief of the teachings of the church. I don't want anyone reading this unprepared.
This is the second of two essays. Read the first one here.
by Michael Barker
Central to Jenny’s essay is the idea of what constitutes LDS doctrine. The first part of my essay will center around the deconstruction and the complication of that idea. The latter part will address some of the more specific arguments against same-sex marriage and homosexuality within the context of Mormonism.
One of the unique features of Mormonism is that it is an early religious movement. As such, we (as well as religious scholars) are privileged to see our religious community push and pull as it makes a place for itself at the table with older religious traditions. With any new religious movement, it has to determine what are acceptable and unacceptable beliefs and practices. Those that fall outside of what is acceptable are considered unorthodox (wrong belief) or unorthoprax (wrong behaviors).
Orthodox belief is usually circumscribed by what traditionally has been called doctrine. Doctrine is usually seen as a set of beliefs, and to a lesser extent, behaviors that do not change. Catholicism provides a framework in which to evaluate the idea of Church doctrine as it makes a distinction between Church Doctrine and Discipline. Allow me to provide a few examples to illustrate what I mean:
The Catholic Catechism:
“This catechism aims at presenting an organic synthesis of the essential and fundamental contents of Catholic doctrine, as regards both faith and morals, in the light of the Second Vatican Council and the whole of the Church’s Tradition. Its principal sources are the Sacred Scriptures, the Fathers of the Church, the liturgy, and the Church’s Magisterium. It is intended to serve “as a point of reference for the catechisms or compendia that are composed in the various countries”(The Catholic Catechism, Prologue, Part III).
The Doctrine of the Trinity as found in The Catholic Catechism:
“We firmly believe and confess without reservation that there is only one true God, eternal infinite (immensus) and unchangeable, incomprehensible, almighty and ineffable, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit; three persons indeed, but one essence, substance or nature entirely simple (Catholic Cathechism, Part I, section 2).
The Doctrine of the Trinity, of course is based upon the Nicene Creed which did not take form until the year 325 C.E. That is three hundred years after the ministry of Jesus Christ. It took three centuries for this doctrine to be vetted out.
Catholic Discipline:
”…discipline” as an “instruction, system of teaching or of law, given under the authority of the Church [which] can be changed with the approval of proper authority, as opposed to doctrine, which is unchangeable” (Our Sunday Visitor’s Catholic Encyclopedia, pg. 334).
An example would be, prior to Vatican II, the pre-Communion fast extended from midnight until the time one received Communion; no food or water were to be consumed. This discipline was relaxed first to a three-hour fast and then to the one-hour fast the Catholic church now observes.
So, what was the purpose of this exercise of looking outside our tradition for clarification?
To offer some frame work of seeing how long it can take for a church’s doctrine to take shape and form.
To offer clarification of how an older tradition views doctrine (which is infallible and cannot change) and discipline, which can change.
Now, in Mormonism we have a similar framework as Jenny alluded to. We use the word policy instead of discipline. The word Doctrine we do use the same as Catholics, but how Catholicism has arrived at what is and isn’t doctrine is quite explicit:
“…It occurs even more clearly both when the bishops by a collegial act (as in Ecumenical Councils), together with their visible Head, define a doctrine to be held, and when the Roman Pontiff “speaks ex cathedra,” that is, when, exercising the office of Pastor and Teacher of all Christians, through his supreme apostolic authority he defines a doctrine concerning faith or morals to be held by the universal Church”(Declaration in Defense of the Catholic Doctrine On the Church Against Certain Errors of the Present Day MYSTERIUM ECCLESIA Issued by Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith June 24, 1973).
So…um what is Mormon doctrine?
In the April 2012 General Conference, Elder Christofersen attempted to elucidate what makes Mormon Doctrine:
“…but in the Church today, just as anciently, establishing the doctrine of Christ or correcting doctrinal deviations is a matter of divine revelation to those the Lord endows with apostolic authority…At the same time it should be remembered that not every statement made by a Church leader, past or present, necessarily constitutes doctrine. It is commonly understood in the Church that a statement made by one leader on a single occasion often represents a personal, though well-considered, opinion, not meant to be official or binding for the whole Church. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that “a prophet [is] a prophet only when he [is] acting as such.” (Elder Todd Christofferson, April 2012 General Conference, The Doctrine of Christ).
Interesting that he explicitly stated that there have been “doctrinal deviations”. Are we to understand that statement as meaning we have held to beliefs in the past as being doctrinal when they weren’t? Or are we to understand it as meaning doctrine can change? Are those two questions essentially the same thing?
Elder Christofferson then went on to quote J. Reuben Clark quoting Brigham Young (as we know, a very Mormonie thing to do!):
“To this point runs a simple story my father told me as a boy, I do not know on what authority, but it illustrates the point. His story was that during the excitement incident to the coming of [Johnston’s] Army, Brother Brigham preached to the people in a morning meeting a sermon vibrant with defiance to the approaching army, and declaring an intention to oppose and drive them back. In the afternoon meeting he arose and said that Brigham Young had been talking in the morning, but the Lord was going to talk now. He then delivered an address, the tempo of which was the opposite from the morning talk. …
“… The Church will know by the testimony of the Holy Ghost in the body of the members, whether the brethren in voicing their views are ‘moved upon by the Holy Ghost’; and in due time that knowledge will be made manifest”(J. Reuben Clark Jr., “Church Leaders’ Words, 10).
Do you see the quandary in which the membership is still left? It still isn’t clear. How do we know when a “prophet is speaking as a prophet”? How do we know when the “Lord is going to talk now”? It appears the onus is upon the membership. But what if I don’t receive the confirmation of a doctrine and you have? As presented, the argument appears to be circular: “You will know the doctrine is true because the Holy Spirit will confirm it to you. But if you don’t get the confirmation, well, you must be wrong.”
Catholicism has a clear way of vetting out its doctrine as outlined earlier, but us Mormons really don’t.
Mormonism and Creeds
Many doctrines of traditional Christianity are contained in their creeds. This is what Joseph Smith had to say about creeds and is probably why Mormons don’t have a creed:
“[Unlike the Latter-day Saints] Methodists have creeds which a man must believe or be asked out of their church. I want the liberty of thinking and believing as I please. It feels so good not to be trammeled…It does not prove that a man is not a good man because he errs in doctrine” (Joseph Smith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 288).
Joseph also said:
“..I stated that the most prominent difference in sentiment between the Latter-day Saints and sectarians was, that the latter were all circumscribed by some peculiar creed, which deprived its members the privilege of believing anything not contained therein, whereas the Latter-day Saints … are ready to believe all true principles that exist, as they are made manifest from time to time…” (Joseph Smith, January 1843, History of the Church, 5:215; from “History of the Church” (manuscript), book D-1, p. 1433, Church Archives).
So, does Mormonism have Doctrine? I think so, however it is not found in creeds. It is usually not explicit in canonized scripture either; we get doctrine from interpretation of scripture. Perhaps the realization of the ebb and flow of Mormon doctrine is what led Deseret Book to cease publication of Elder Bruce R. McConkie’s book, Mormon Doctrine last year. It seems that Mormonism rejected Elder McConkie’s attempt to systematize our theology; some argue that the LDS philosopher and scholar, Dr. Adam Miller, is attempting to systematize our theology again.
I think we would all agree that ongoing revelation is a doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This allows for policy and, dare I say, doctrinal change. We see this quite explicitly with what was once called, the negro problem. In 1852, Brigham Young stated the following to the Church membership in the Tabernacle:
“Any man having one drop of the seed of Cane in him cannot hold the priesthood … I will say it now in the name of Jesus Christ. I know it is true & they know it. The Negro cannot hold one particle of Government … if any man mingles his seed with the seed of Cane the only way he could get rid of it or have salvation would be to come forward & have his head cut off & spill his blood upon the ground. It would also take the life of his children.” (Wilford Woodruff’s Journal, Vol. 4, p. 97)
Now, for those yelling, “This was policy!!! Not doctrine!!!”, the following are statements from the LDS First Presidency, clarifying that the “Negro doctrine” was really doctrine, not policy:
“The attitude of the Church with reference to Negroes remains as it has always stood. It is not a matter of the declaration of a policy but of direct commandment from the Lord, on which is founded the doctrine of the Church from the days of its organization…” (August 17, 1949, the LDS First Presidency)


“Our living prophet, President David O. McKay, has said, “The seeming discrimination by the Church toward the Negro is not something which originated with man; but goes back into the beginning with God….” (December 15, 1969, the LDS First Presidency)
On June 1978, this “Negro doctrine” was changed by revelation.
In a 1978 CES fireside Elder Bruce R. McConkie famously said:
“Forget everything that I have said, or what President Brigham Young or President George Q. Cannon or whomsoever has said in days past that is contrary to the present revelation. We spoke with a limited understanding and without the light and knowledge that now has come into the world. We get our truth and our light line upon line and precept upon precept. We have now had added a new flood of intelligence and light on this particular subject, and it erases all the darkness and all the views and all the thoughts of the past. They don’t matter any more.”
Now onto polygamy…nah, I’ll leave that one alone. OK, let’s discuss Brigham Young’s Adam-God Doctrine. Nope. Too easy. Okay, okay, let’s talk about Blood Atonement then. We’ll leave that one alone too; like shooting fish in a barrel. You see, “Mormon doctrine” becomes “Mormon policy” only after the doctrine is no longer considered doctrine and we become embarrassed because of it. Case in point – our racist doctrine on blacks, Blood Atonement, Adam-God doctrine.
So this brings us to a great question. What is the role and nature of doctrine? For there is propositional content within Mormon-Christianity and that creates tension. What is its point? The Epistle of James 2:19 states:
“You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that–and shudder.”
The devils probably have a better grasp on doctrine than we and that will not save them.
But doctrine is not completely irrelevant. So what roles do doctrines play then? Are they indicators that we are in the truth? Or are they categories by which we are to live? Probably the latter. They are probably supposed to be reflexions of reality that are to be appropriated by us and structure our lives and our understanding in ways that change what we are. They are more of a reflection of personal existential realities, not just abstract cognitive events that are loosely connected somehow. Docrine(s)ends up being less about knowing the truth than being the truth.
A Straw-man Argument
Before I conclude, let me bring up a few things that Jenny might have only addressed tangentially in her post or didn’t address at all, but need addressing on my part. We have all heard it said, “Gays just have to be celibate. There is no difference in regards to these expectations with homosexual and heterosexual members. Heterosexuals are expected to remain celibate until marriage.”
There are two problems with this line of logic:
Heterosexual members can hold to the possibility of, at some point, fully expressing their heterosexual attractions in a sexual union that occurs within the bonds of marriage. As Jenny stated above, homosexuals cannot hold to this hope in the LDS Church. They must be celibate for the rest of their lives. As a IMG_4591married heterosexual, this to me is incomprehensible.
Secondly, a heterosexual can express heterosexual attraction. A straight man can hold his straight girlfriend’s hand. A straight girl can rub her straight boyfriend’s back during Sacrament Meeting. A straight couple can even hug and kiss.
MormonsandGays.org states on its homepage:
“The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them.”
Now think about this. “…but acting on it is.” For my more conservative, traditional-believing friends, think about this. How would you respond if you saw a homosexual man holding his partner’s hand during Sacrament Meeting? How would you respond if you saw a homosexual man lightly rubbing his partner’s back in Sacrament Meeting? How would you respond if you saw a homosexual man putting his head on his partner’s shoulder during Sacrament Meeting? How would you respond if you saw a homosexual man lightly peck his partner on the lips in the church foyer?
Do you see what I am saying? We are not merely requiring our gay brothers and sisters to abstain from sexual intercourse, we are requiring them to abstain from all expressions of affection toward a member of the same sex.
Jenny stated, “ …all I can do is love them…We want to love and support all of our brothers and sisters…” Jenny has outlined what this love is not, but my question is, “What does this love look like when speaking of our gay brothers and sisters?” This is not a question only for her, but for me and for all of us. According to a recent Pew Forum study, Mormons are doing a horrible job at this. It showed that the public perceives Mormons and Muslims as being equally hostile towards gays; and the public sees Mormons as being more hostile towards gays than Catholics and Evangelical Christians 1,2.
The Vanguard of Marriage
Recently I have wondered why the LDS Church has decided to be the vanguard of opposite-gender marriage. There are so many other pressing issues in which we could focus our energies: poverty, income inequality, homelessness. The institutional concern with same-sex marriage seems to be a concern of middle-class white America. It reminds me of an essay I read recently by BYU professor, Richard Johnson:
“Every semester several students in my social problems course at BYU propose that the extent or seriousness of certain social problems represents a sign that the world is about to end and the Millennium is near. …they see the traditional and highly publicized problems of crime, violence, drug abuse, and sexual deviance as the primary (or only) indicators of sin and evil…they perceive America as now experiencing unprecedented levels of crime, violence, drug abuse, and sexual deviance.
“Several aspects of this line of thought strike me as rather narrow-minded. First, it seems rather narrow and presumptuous for Americans to evaluate the condition of the entire human race and the fate of the planet on the basis of their perceptions of America’s social problems and moral climate…the criteria used to judge the “badness” of American society (sex, drugs, crime, and violence) seem narrow. I cannot remember a single student, for example, who has based a conclusion about “the evil that is rampant in society” on observations about poverty, homelessness, or income inequality, to name a few possible alternative measures…there seems to be a narrow view as to where and when social problems or “evil” have existed throughout time and space. The parochial view that ”everything must be worse here and now” seems to have been adopted by yet another generation of Americans…
“…It seems to me that if we are serious about contemplating the moral state of contemporary American society, we might gain valuable insight by broadening the measure of morality beyond the traditional sins (crime, sex, drugs, violence) to include such variables as poverty, homelessness, and socioeconomic inequality”(click here to read entire essay)
Cafeteria Mormons
I have heard the argument that those who pick and choose what they will believe and don’t believe are “cafeteria or buffet Mormons”. This of course is a derogatory term. But aren’t all of us buffet-Mormons? There is a natural tension between what we perceive as doctrine and our lived Mormon experience. To resolve that tension, we might fall to the doctrinal side at times, and other times we fall to the side of our lived religious experience. For those within our faith community that advocate for change in regards to gays, they are doing so from a place of faith; they are falling to the side of their lived religious experience. They are doing so because of a deep God-given sense of justice and equality.
You see, we are all cafeteria Mormons. At least that’s what a recent Pew Research Study found.3
Same Sex Sealings
I have heard the argument, and Jenny alluded to it, of the idea that the Church will be forced to marry homosexuals in the temple. This is only an American Church concern. Most countries separate the civil wedding ceremony from the temple sealing. It seems like a simple answer to this unfounded concern.
Conclusion
So this was a fun mental exercise right? What’s the point?
I am hesitant to state that doctrine never changes. I am also hesitant to state the Church’s view on same-sex marriage is doctrinal. I should be hesitant to declare and demand that I am right. However, my lived Mormon life and interactions with homosexuals, lends me to believe that the Church will eventually change on this issue. I want the Church to be a safer place for our gay members and it presently is not. Gay Mormon teens are still committing suicide because of their inability to reconcile their faith with who they are. This problem has been acknowledged by the LDS Church4,5. But what are we doing about it? I as well as the more conservative Mormons should practice more of what Nathaniel Givens calls Epistemic Humility, when approaching this problem.
Could I be wrong? Sure, but you could be wrong too.
Many have observed that, “Our Heavenly father has His finger on the fast-forward button when it comes to the gay issue.” Just think, no other conservative church has a website dealing specifically with this issue like the LDS Church does (mormonsandgays.org). From its home page we read:
“No one fully knows the root causes of same-sex attraction. Each experience is different. Latter-day Saints recognize the enormous complexity of this matter. We simply don’t have all the answers. Attraction to those of the same sex, however, should not be viewed as a disease or illness.”
Such a web-site and such a statement would not have existed five, let alone ten or thirty years ago. In fact, President Boyd K. Packer condoned violence against gays in the October 1976 Priesthood session of General Conference:
“…it is time to vigorously resist.
While I was in a mission on one occasion, a missionary said he had something to confess. I was very worried because he just could not get himself to tell me what he had done.
After patient encouragement he finally blurted out, ‘I hit my companion.’
‘Oh, is that all,’ I said in great relief.
‘But I floored him,’ he said.
After learning a little more [that the companion was gay], my response was ‘Well, thanks. Somebody had to do it, and it wouldn’t be well for a General Authority to solve the problem that way’.
I am not recommending that course to you, but I am not omitting it.”
Do you see what I am saying? Things are a changin’.
For some, change isn’t fast enough. To those I say, remember that large institutions are naturally conservative and naturally move slowly. For some, it is too fast. To those I would say that deep within the Mormon ethos is the idea of ongoing revelation. And by definition, revelation explicitly means change. In her essay, Jenny said, “If they are truly prophets, they would not and could not change the doctrine, no matter how many people clamor for the change.” I would argue the opposite. Because we have prophets, doctrine can and will change as we receive further light and knowledge.
Just as a scientist might discover a scientific truth that has been in existence since before the beginning of time and space, so our prophets will discover truths that our Heavenly Parents reveal to them. I wonder if our Heavenly Parents are waiting for the membership to be ready to receive further revelation on this subject before giving further revelation. This of course would bring up the issue of the morality of God waiting on us when so many are suffering. But that is another post for another time.
Remember, our Heavenly Parents love their liberal Mormons. Also remember, our Heavenly Parents love their conservative Mormons too.
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Notes:
1Click here to read the overview Pew Research Study. Here is a snipett from the subtitle, “Religion”:
“Religion is a difficult terrain for many LGBT adults. Lopsided majorities describe the Muslim religion (84%), the Mormon Church (83%), the Catholic Church (79%) and evangelical churches (73%) as unfriendly toward people who are LGBT. They have more mixed views of the Jewish religion and mainline Protestant churches, with fewer than half of LGBT adults describing those religions as unfriendly, one-in-ten describing each of them as friendly and the rest saying they are neutral.”
2Click here to read to read Chapter Six of the same survey. The following is under the subtitle, “Feeling Unwelcome in Religious Communities”:
“Many LBGT adults see major religious institutions as unfriendly toward them. And as shown in Chapter 2 on social acceptance, about three-in-ten LGBT adults (29%) say they personally have been made to feel unwelcome in a church or religious organization.”
More than eight-in-ten LGBT adults surveyed say the Muslim religion (84%) is unfriendly to those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, while less than 1% say the Muslim religion is friendly and 13% consider it neutral. Perceptions of the Mormon Church are similar, with 83% of LGBT respondents saying the Mormon Church is unfriendly toward them. About eight-in-ten (79%) consider the Catholic Church unfriendly, and 73% say the same about evangelical churches. By comparison, the Jewish religion and non-evangelical (mainline) Protestant churches are seen as less hostile, although many more LGBT adults consider these institutions to be unfriendly than friendly toward them. Roughly half of the LGBT adults surveyed say the Jewish religion (47%) is unfriendly toward the LGBT population, just one-in-ten say the Jewish religion is friendly and about four-in-ten (41%) say it is neutral. Perceptions of non-evangelical Protestant churches are similar; 44% of LGBT adults say these churches are unfriendly, 10% say they are friendly and 43% say they are neutral.
3Click here to read a recent Pew Research study showing a fifth of Mormons doubt some Church teaching).
4Click here to read an article released by the LDS Church News in which it states:
“…the most at-risk teenagers [for suicide] are: Those who have gender identity problems and have had a personal crisis. The largest single group of teen suicides, about one-third of the total, are from this group…Those who feel hopelessness on a continuing basis.
5Click here to read the LDS Church-owned, Deseret News article about Utah’s youth suicide epidemic.

A RESPONSE FROM THE “CLOSED MINDED”




The following two essays are not my own. The original works have been deleted, but I found them so enlightening of my own feelings regarding the church and LGBT 'doctrine' that I felt I needed to repost them here. 
I would like to warn anyone that reads it that it could become their own 'stumbling block' regarding their belief of the teachings of the church. I don't want anyone reading this unprepared.
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A Response from the “Closed Minded”


Note: This post contains two parts. The first is an essay written by Jenny Maruri defending the LDS Church’s stance on same sex marriage. The second essay is a response to Jenny Maruri’s post written by her brother-in-law, Michael Barker.
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by Jenny Maruri
I see a growing grass roots movement among LDS members to support gay marriage within the church despite the current leadership affirmation that only marriage between a man and a woman is sanctioned by God. I am only going to discuss the doctrine (yes I said doctrine, not policy) within the church, and not the broader political argument for gay marriage.
The church has stated that all are welcome to worship and participate in the church, including temple ordinances, if they are worthy, regardless of sexual orientation, and that all must be loved and accepted. For our gay members, this means that they are not to act on their desires. The Church distinguishes between same-sex attraction and behavior. “While maintaining that feelings and inclinations toward the same sex are not inherently sinful, engaging in homosexual behavior is in conflict with the “doctrinal principle, based on sacred scripture … that marriage between a man and a woman is essential to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”” http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/same-sex-attraction
After speaking with family members and reading a number of posts, I understand that this is very hard to accept for our LGBT brothers and sisters, in that they have the same desires for closeness, intimacy, and a loving relationship just as our heterosexual brothers and sisters, however for them, there is no hope for “someday”. No hope that if they just stay strong, someday they will meet the right person, be married, and experience fulfillment. I get it. This is very disheartening, and certainly not an easy life assignment. Many argue, since the feelings of same sex intimacy are “good”, they must be sanctioned by God. The church “policy” on gay marriage must be wrong, and that someday the church will change position and allow gay marriage including same sex sealings. Obviously as a heterosexual woman, I cannot completely understand the challenges and heartache of our LGBT brothers and sisters, all I can do is love them. But does loving them mean I am to deny the modern prophets’ message and advocate for same sex marriage?
Let’s do a mental exercise for a moment and try to see this from the eyes of the prophet and apostles whom lead the church. What if heterosexual marriage really is unchanging doctrine from God? That it’s not just a misinterpretation of the Bible, but really supernal doctrine that has lasted the eternities. What if gay marriage is not, and has never been sanctioned by God? If they are truly prophets, they would not and could not change the doctrine, no matter how many people clamor for the change. I am sure they see the bigotry among some members, and the heartache among the LBGT members, and their hearts are broken. But to go against doctrine and lead the church astray, even if it’s out of love for our brothers and sisters, would be akin to blasphemy, and for some, condemnation for denying the Holy Ghost.
As believing members of the church, we are to follow the prophet. We are not to be robots, blindly following, as that would discount our purpose here on earth. Rather, we take the teachings, and each gain a personal revelation of their truthfulness. While doing so, we usually don’t receive ALL the answers, and must rely on faith to fill in the gaps. I don’t see gospel doctrine as “Al a cart”, where a believer can take and live the doctrine they like, and discard what they don’t. Let’s remember, there is gospel doctrine, after which policies are created, and practices are maintained. Practices and policies can be changed and interpreted, but doctrine remains unchanged. There are many who may believe that the church not supporting same sex marriage is merely a policy set forth by a backward generation of bretheren. If this is what you believe, then I can understand your conclusion that the “policy” must be changed for the good and love of our LGBT brothers and sisters.
Please remember, though, that there are many of us, and I believe including the modern prophets, who believe this issue is in the realm of doctrine, and not policy. “From a public relations perspective it would be easier for the Church to simply accept homosexual behavior. That we cannot do, for God’s law is not ours to change. There is no change in the Church’s position of what is morally right. But what is changing — and what needs to change — is to help Church members respond sensitively and thoughtfully when they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or elsewhere.”http://www.mormonsandgays.org/
We want to love and support all of our brothers and sisters, but will not go against what we understand to be eternal gospel doctrine. Please do not assume this choice is based on hate, ignorance, bigotry, or close mindedness. For many, the choice is based on love of Jesus Christ, love of His teachings, love of our brothers and sisters, our testimonies of the truthfulness of the gospel, and desire to someday return to His presence along with all of our family and friends.
Thank you.