Follow up to 'Turn the other cheek?'

The church's policy on homosexual behaviour is one that I don't wish to mess with. The church has the right to choose how they deal with the actions of members. 

I also think it's important to do what you believe and as such believing members of the church should definitely be trying to live according to their beliefs. 

If someone chooses for themselves to have a same sex relationship because they feel that it's the right thing to do, power to them; on the other hand, if someone chooses not to express those feelings and to be celibate or have a mixed orientation marriage (MOM) because of their beliefs, that's cool too.

But that is something for each person to decide for themselves. If they break the law of chastity, as a member of the church, they should be subject to church discipline.

But let's face facts, there is no 'cure' for same sex attraction. There are only ways to live with it. Good or bad, I'm not going to judge the individual who chooses for themselves to live according to what they feel is right, according to the dictates of their own conscience.

Some people have increased their heterosexual attractions through certain activities and therapies but most don't experience any change. It's something we experience every day and forcing us to keep it secret only increases the shame we feel. 

If (as the church now teaches) the feelings themselves aren't considered to be a sin why does the church encourage us to keep them secret? Especially when this leads to additional shame and suicidal tendencies.

Revealing that I am attracted to the same sex relieved the shame I felt for it and gave me the strength to overcome my suicidal tendencies. But it took a lot of courage to defy what I was told by general leaders.

Over the past few months, since publishing 'Turn the Other Cheek' part 1 & 2, I have talked with a number of people and read comments defending what Elder Oaks said. I can in no way defend what he said. I believe he is a good man that doesn't know enough about the subject.

I'm not trying to change the doctrine regarding homosexuality. It is what it is. But the advice to keep it secret is just that. Advice. And it is bad advice. It is dangerous.

I realise that revealing your sexual orientation can also be dangerous. Doing so made me vulnerable, but I was ready for that.

I knew there was a chance some people would reject me. There are plenty of examples of children being rejected, disowned and kicked out of home for revealing their sexual orientation, but once old enough to fend for yourself isn't that better than a life of secrecy and dishonesty.

I'd much rather deal with rejection from others than from myself. The lies eat you up inside and stop you from making meaningful connections. What's the point in living if that life is just a facade and a lie?

"I can't imagine any sadder way to die than with a feeling that I never showed up in this world as my true self. 

But I can't imagine any more satisfying way to go out than to be able to say [that] to the best of my ability... I was there as who I am..."

Parker J Palmer

The change I want to see is in the way the church treats those who experience same sex attraction and in the process save lives.

Rather than telling those who are attracted to the same sex to keep it secret why not tell everyone else to be more Christ-like and love their friends and family regardless of their sexual orientation. Wouldn't that be the right thing to do?