A life worth living

In the last month I have submitted my resignation from the LDS church. The question arises 'why did I leave?'

It's not really a simple answer. There was no single thing that led me to leave. I guess the main reason is that the church could not help me. 

I read this blog post today (http://www.gregtrimble.com/you-should-not-leave-mormonism-for-any-of-these-5-reasons/) and there are definitely some things amongst that which have contributed, but deep down I feel like the thing that really drove me to request my name be removed from church records is that I spent years seeking help and the church was unable to provide it. 

I did everything I could to follow the teachings of the church. I believed them with a firm commitment. But after 7 years of suicidal feelings I finally got help from outside the church and I'm now in a place where I feel like life is worth living.

I love my Mormon friends and don't want to disrespect their beliefs. I know how much it hurts when someone you care about leaves the church. I know it hurts even more when they start trashing the church and it can destroy the relationship you once had. I don't want to do that.

However, I do want to make sure that everybody realises the truth about same sex attraction. There are many things that are still unclear about gender and sexuality. Several things however are clear; completely eliminating same sex attraction is nigh on impossible and attempting to do so is potentially harmful, up to 75% of mixed orientation marriages (MOMs - heterosexual marriages where one or both spouses are attracted to the same sex) end in divorce, those who are same sex attracted have lower quality of life scores when they are living a celibate lifestyle in the church than people suffering from lupus, and those who enter into legal same sex marriages have higher quality of life scores than the national average in the USA (Dehlin, 2013; Bradshaw, Dehlin, Crowell, Galliher, & Bradshaw, 2014).

With that knowledge I feel offended that the church continues to oppose civil same sex marriage and repeats it regularly but says very little in the way of supporting those who are same sex attracted. I feel it is much more important to save lives than it is to stop same sex marriage.

I try to be sensitive to the beliefs of others; it was hard for me to have my faith crushed and I don't deliberately crush faith others faith unless it is important. To me, understanding same sex attraction is no joking matter. When people don't understand they may say or encourage things that are very harmful and which can lead to suicide. That is why I got so upset when Elder Oaks said what he did at a fireside here in Brisbane.

At the same time I realise that talking roughly about someone's faith can also be traumatic. It's a very thin line to walk when trying to discuss these issues and I don't do it rashly.

In the past few days I posted a link on Facebook which discusses the bible and homosexuality. It incited a lot of heated discussion. I tried not to be harsh towards the church or to anyone in particular, but I fear I failed in this. 

There was a post by a friend which really upset me and I responded in a very childish manner, by turning it into a satire and reposting it. I feel bad for that. I should have appealed to the person directly rather than making it into a public retaliation. The result is that she has unfriended me.

I don't want a repeat of that, but I can't sit back and let people say things which are untrue on such an important topic. 

I'm sorry in advance and in retrospect if I say anything that causes pain for anyone else but this is an important issue for me. It has led me away from the church but it doesn't have to lead others away too. There are many things that have affected my decision to leave the church but the main one is that I was unable to live a life worth living while in the church. If you are capable of achieving a life worth living within the church I applaud you and hope that I do not become a stumbling block for you, but please remember to have love and acceptance for those who identify as LGBTQ and please don't force your beliefs onto others by opposing marriage equality in the civil arena.

Bradshaw, K., Dehlin, J. P., Crowell, K. A., Galliher, R. V., & Bradshaw, W. S. (2014). Sexual Orientation Change Efforts Through Psychotherapy for LGBQ Individuals Affiliated With the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 1-22. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2014.915907

           

Dehlin, J. P. (2013). The Ally Within.   Retrieved 01/06/2014, 2014, from https://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MxCXjfAunk