First of all...

The following is a post I made on Facebook on the 24th February 2013. I had finally decided to come out and this is how I did it:

"I hope that if you read this you read the whole thing. But be warned that it may make some people feel uncomfortable.
I have been considering this for a long time and have finally come to the decision that I want to let people in on one of my private struggles in the hope that it will be of help to others, both those who are in a similar position to me and those who are trying to help.
So I'll just 'come out' and say it. I am what many would call 'gay' or 'same gender attracted'.
The first thing I want everyone to understand is that I never chose to be this way.
I grew up in a typical Mormon family. We read our scriptures and prayed as a family (although not all the time, it was regular enough). We attended church meetings and fulfilled church callings. But from a young age I experienced a curiosity about boys whilst not having much of a curiosity about girls. As I grew, that turned into attraction. I always brushed it aside and assumed that it was quite common and that at some future point I would suddenly find myself attracted to girls, that it must be the same for everyone. But it never happened. I never gained an attraction to women, yet my attraction to men continued to grow.
This was a very real concern for me as I believed that to even feel attracted to the same sex was a major sin and that I was evil and disgusting for feeling so.
For most of my life I have suffered in silence and assumed that I had somehow chosen to be gay. But I didn't have any idea how I had chosen that. So I wondered whether I had done something truly terrible and therefore been cursed with an attraction to men.
I thought in that case that if I was righteous enough and did everything I was supposed to do (or that God expected me to do) that God would take it away from me.
This didn't help things but rather caused me to feel unworthy of love because I was never able to be righteous enough to overcome and I felt that if God didn't love me enough to take it away how could anyone else love me?
I had many days where I cried silently behind closed doors because of it and prayed for God to take it away from me. But He never did.
And I never told anyone for fear that they would reject me.
When I served a mission I felt even more unworthy because I held it secret in an environment that required a lot of honesty. Yet I served a mission because I had a strong belief in the gospel and wanted to share it so that others could also experience the good things of it. Notwithstanding my struggles I did still have times of upliftment where I was strengthened by my beliefs and found that it gave me strength to carry on when I otherwise would have given up.
Meanwhile I felt sure that if I revealed my secret to anyone that I would be sent home immediately. I spiralled downward on my mission suffering from depression and anxiety to the point where I wanted to die and resorted to self harming practises to numb my mind. I would have panic attacks and couldn't tell anyone why. I was also quite sensitive to any critical remarks made against me.
Yet I still had great experiences and learnt much.
It was toward the end of my mission that I was introduced to a new concept. My companion was reading the October 2007 issue of the Ensign and had read an article on same gender attraction by Elder Jeffrey R Holland. A particular portion stood out to me:

"...same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is—just as it would be with heterosexual feelings.” (Oct. 2007 Ensign, Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction, Jeffrey R. Holland)

This caught my attention and I began to see hope. I still kept my attraction secret for fear of rejection but I had hope and thought that maybe God did love me.
My self harming behaviours diminished and to a degree so did my depression and anxiety. I thought that if I only avoided any homosexual behaviours I might be ok. But I still clung to the false hope that the feelings would go away. I should have sought help then but was kept from doing so by fear.
I came home from my mission and things were good for a time but I couldn't shake the feelings. I tried to date but never felt any real attraction. I could tell when a girl was attractive but never really felt any attraction.
I sought help from leaders who were not judgmental but couldn't fully help me because they didn't entirely understand (not for lack of trying but simply because there was a sparsity of quality information available).
I suffered in silence for years and wouldn't tell anyone close to me because I still saw it as a defect that people would reject me for having. As I tried to form relationships and failed and saw that I didn't fit into the mould of the typical Mormon I became depressed and anxious once more and was hospitalised on several occasions due to suicide attempts and feeling strong desires to end my life. I could not see how I could ever live with same sex attractions when so many seemed to be so hostile to anyone who was gay. And I still clung to the belief that I could change and that I just wasn't doing things right.
Then last year I came across two books, one entitled 'In Quiet Desperation' and the other 'Voices of Hope' both co authored by Ty Mansfield an LDS man who has experienced same sex attraction.
Although I can't include the stories here I would suggest that these books would help anyone trying to understand these issues. They offered great insights for me and they helped me to see that I might never change and to accept that this did not mean I was evil.
This was still a big blow to me and I grieved that I might never be free from same sex attraction and might never get married. But at the same time it gave me hope that I could still have a fulfilling life despite my attractions.
It was then that I realised I needed to be open about how I felt and tell people of my struggles.
I also realised that my story could help others who are dealing with these issues.
So I started telling my family. I can't say I received the most amazing reception but my parents expressed their love for me and wanted to help me and that was all that I could've hoped for.
For me what I needed was my parents' love, support and understanding. I received their love and some degree of support but it's been a hard road trying to be understood and its getting better.
So it is that I write this. I want people to understand what it is like to be a gay Mormon in hopes that understanding will lead to less heartache and troubles for others.
I really hope that those who struggle with these feelings will seek support as they need it.
Not everyone will feel the same as me. What works for me might not work for someone else. I don't know their circumstances and it is not my place to judge. I just hope that we can foster an environment where people feel comfortable enough to express their minds and seek help.
The path I am on is not the easiest. I don't know what the future holds for me or how other will react to me 'coming out'. All I know is that God loves me despite my attractions. I hope that Christians all over may learn to love as He does and not judge harshly those who deal with same gender attraction.
I can't say where I will be in 5 or 10 years time. 10 years ago I thought that by now this part of my life would be resolved and that I would be happily married with kids.
But that didn't eventuate.
I'm now focusing on being the best person that I can be. I don't want my attractions to be the sole defining part of my life but rather to just be an acceptable part of the whole that makes up me.
The path that I currently choose is to remain single as I believe that there is a lot more to life than just being in a relationship. I don't think my life should revolve around trying to be one way or the other but rather on trying to continually be better.
This might not be the path that everyone chooses and encourage people not to judge harshly those who choose different paths. Not everyone believes as I do or understands in the same way as I do.
For anyone who wants to help me or anyone like me, the best thing you can do is be a friend regardless of anything else and encourage without being pushy or overbearing.
To anyone who is in a similar situation I would encourage you to be honest and don't shut people out; and seek help as you feel necessary. I have found that when people understand what it's like they can be very accepting (often more so than you are of yourself) and offer support. And I hope that this post will encourage understanding and make it easier for you to be honest about what you are going through."