In the last month I have submitted my
resignation from the LDS church. The question arises 'why did I leave?'
It's not really a simple answer. There was no
single thing that led me to leave. I guess the main reason is that the church
could not help me.
I read this blog post today (http://www.gregtrimble.com/you-should-not-leave-mormonism-for-any-of-these-5-reasons/)
and there are definitely some things amongst that which have contributed, but
deep down I feel like the thing that really drove me to request my name be
removed from church records is that I spent years seeking help and the church
was unable to provide it.
I did everything I could to follow the teachings
of the church. I believed them with a firm commitment. But after 7 years of
suicidal feelings I finally got help from outside the church and I'm now in a
place where I feel like life is worth living.
I love my Mormon friends and don't want to
disrespect their beliefs. I know how much it hurts when someone you care about
leaves the church. I know it hurts even more when they start trashing the
church and it can destroy the relationship you once had. I don't want to do
that.
However, I do want to make sure that everybody
realises the truth about same sex attraction. There are many things that are
still unclear about gender and sexuality. Several things however are clear;
completely eliminating same sex attraction is nigh on impossible and attempting
to do so is potentially harmful, up to 75% of
mixed orientation marriages (MOMs - heterosexual marriages where one or both
spouses are attracted to the same sex) end in divorce, those who are same sex attracted have lower quality of
life scores when they are living a celibate lifestyle in the church than people
suffering from lupus, and
those who enter into legal same sex marriages have higher quality of life
scores than the national average in the USA (Dehlin, 2013; Bradshaw, Dehlin, Crowell, Galliher,
& Bradshaw, 2014).
With that knowledge I feel offended
that the church continues to oppose civil same sex marriage and repeats it
regularly but says very little in the way of supporting those who are same sex
attracted. I feel it is much more important to save lives than it is to stop
same sex marriage.
I try to be sensitive to the beliefs
of others; it was hard for me to have my faith crushed and I don't deliberately
crush faith others faith unless it is important. To me, understanding same
sex attraction is no joking matter. When people don't understand they may
say or encourage things that are very harmful and which can lead to
suicide. That is why I got so upset when Elder Oaks said what he did at a fireside here in
Brisbane.
At the same time I realise that
talking roughly about someone's faith can also be traumatic. It's a very thin
line to walk when trying to discuss these issues and I don't do it rashly.
In the past few days I posted a link
on Facebook which discusses the bible and homosexuality. It incited a lot
of heated discussion. I tried not to be harsh towards the church or to anyone
in particular, but I fear I failed in this.
There was a post by a friend which
really upset me and I responded in a very childish manner, by turning it into a
satire and reposting it. I feel bad for that. I should have appealed to the
person directly rather than making it into a public retaliation. The result is
that she has unfriended me.
I don't want a repeat of that, but I
can't sit back and let people say things which are untrue on such an important
topic.
I'm sorry in advance and in
retrospect if I say anything that causes pain for anyone else but this is an
important issue for me. It has led me away from the church but it doesn't have
to lead others away too. There are many things that have affected
my decision to leave the church but the main one is that I was unable to
live a life worth living while in the church. If you are capable
of achieving a life worth living within the church I applaud you and hope
that I do not become a stumbling block for you, but please remember to have
love and acceptance for those who identify as LGBTQ and please don't force
your beliefs onto others by opposing marriage equality in the civil arena.
Bradshaw, K.,
Dehlin, J. P., Crowell, K. A., Galliher, R. V., & Bradshaw, W. S. (2014).
Sexual Orientation Change Efforts Through Psychotherapy for LGBQ Individuals
Affiliated With the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Journal of
Sex & Marital Therapy, 1-22. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2014.915907
Dehlin, J. P.
(2013). The Ally Within. Retrieved 01/06/2014, 2014, from https://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MxCXjfAunk
